Our Practices
Foundational practices for embodying and expressing The Experience of We
Working with Dissonance Together
A quick start guide
Something feels off between us. We've noticed it. Now what?
Our usual responses are to make it go away. We suppress it, pretending everything is fine. We explode it, converting friction into conflict that discharges but doesn't heal. We avoid it, stepping back from each other or from the topics that trigger it. We explain it away until we no longer have to feel it.
But dissonance doesn't want to go away. It wants to be heard. Because dissonance is not a problem. It is information. It is the field between us telling us something that needs our attention.
Working with dissonance means learning to metabolize the friction rather than fight it. Receiving it, inquiring into it, extracting what it has to teach us, and letting what we learn change something real between us. This is how relationships grow. Not by avoiding difficulty, but by letting difficulty do its work.
One practice to try
Think of a person in your life who’s open to experimentation, and invite them into trying something new with you.
The dissonance inquiry
When you've recognized that something is off, sit with it together. Don't rush to solve it.
Name it. "There's something between us that feels unresolved." "I'm feeling friction and I want to understand it."
Receive it as information. Not as someone's fault. Not as evidence the relationship is failing. As a signal. "The relational field is telling us something. Let's listen."
Get curious about what’s underneath. "What do you think this is about?" "What need isn't being met?" "What feels misaligned?" Follow the thread without defending.
Let it speak before you try to fix it. The urge to rush to solutions is strong. Resist it. Understanding comes before resolution. Hear what the dissonance has to say first.
Then ask: “What does this want from us?” Maybe it's a conversation that's been avoided. Maybe it's a need that wants to be named. Maybe it's a pattern that needs attention. Let the information guide the response.
One piece of friction, received as a teacher rather than an enemy. That's the practice.
The full guide, Working with Dissonance Together, has several practices for metabolizing relational friction:
Receiving dissonance without suppressing or exploding,
Inquiring into its sources
Extracting its teaching
Integrating what you learn
And more
It also builds on Recognizing Dissonance Together and explores how to engage with what you've noticed.
Dissonance isn't the enemy. It's the curriculum. Let’s learn from it together.
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