Our Practices
Foundational practices for embodying and expressing The Experience of We
Repairing Together
A quick start guide
We will hurt each other.
Not intentionally. Not maliciously. But we will hurt each other nonetheless.
Misunderstandings will occur. Words will land wrong. Needs will go unmet. Boundaries will be crossed. This is not a sign that the relationship is failing. It is a sign that the relationship is real.
The question isn’t whether rupture will happen. It will. The question is what happens after. Some relationships rupture and never heal. The wound festers. Distance grows. Others rupture and repair. The wound is tended together. Connection is restored. And something stronger emerges from the healing.
The difference isn’t luck. It’s practice.
Repair is something we learn to do together. And it gets better the more we do it.
One practice to try
Think of a person in your life who’s open to experimentation, and invite them into trying something new with you.
The repair return
When something has broken between you, come back to it. Don't let it sit unaddressed. Use four steps.
Name what happened. Simply. "I said something hurtful." "I shut down when you needed me." "I broke a commitment." No defending. Just naming.
Acknowledge the impact. Not what you intended. What landed. "I can see that hurt you." "You felt unseen." "That broke some trust." This requires perceiving your companion, not explaining yourself.
Take responsibility. "That was mine. I own it." No "but." No "if you hadn't." Just ownership.
Ask what’s needed now. "What do you need from me?" "Is there something I can do?" Let them tell you what would help, rather than deciding for them.
One return. Four steps. The willingness to come back after a rupture, take responsibility, and ask what's needed. That's repair.
The full guide, Repairing Together, has several practices for the full arc of repair:
Recognizing rupture
Being with the pain
Taking responsibility
Acknowledging impact
Receiving repair
And more
It also explores what makes repair succeed, what blocks it, and why the ability to repair is more important than the ability to avoid rupture.
We will break things between us. What matters is whether we come back to mend them.
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