Our Practices
Foundational practices for embodying and expressing The Experience of We
Tending Our Social World Together
A quick start guide
Our relationship doesn't exist in isolation. It exists inside a web of other relationships.
Family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, communities. The patterns that run through those relationships run through ours. How people around us handle conflict, how much honesty is expected, how much contempt is normal. We absorb these patterns the way we absorb an accent: through exposure, through repetition, through the simple fact of being present long enough for a field's norms to become familiar.
If the relational fields around us are organized around gossip, avoidance, or contempt, we carry those patterns into our own space. Not because we endorse them. Because they've become familiar. And familiar patterns are what the nervous system defaults to under stress.
This isn't about cutting people off or building a fortress around the relationship. It's about tending the ecology. Becoming aware of which relationships nourish the space between us and which quietly erode it. Together, because this is too nuanced for one person to navigate alone.
One practice to try
Think of a person in your life who’s open to experimentation, and invite them into trying something new with you.
Title of the practice
Set aside some quiet time. Together, name the significant relationships and social fields in your shared life. Then sense into each one.
Name everyone in your social constellation. Family on both sides. Close friends. Social circles. Work environments. Online communities. Neighbors.
For each one, ask: “What does this relationship bring into our field?” Not whether they're good or bad people. What relational norms do they carry? What patterns do we absorb after spending time with them?
Notice together. After time with certain people, do you feel more connected or more depleted? More honest or more guarded? More alive or more drained?
Name what you notice without judgement. "I notice we tend to argue after family dinners." "I feel more open after time with those friends." This is information, not verdicts.
Make one shared decision. Not a dramatic one. "Let's be more intentional about time with the people who nourish us." Or "Let's notice what we absorb from that group and talk about it after."
One honest look at the social ecology around your relationship. That's the practice.
The full guide, Tending Our Social World Together, has several practices for developing shared social awareness: mapping the relational ecology; noticing patterns you absorb; making deliberate choices about where you spend time; navigating the complexity of family and community with honesty; and more. It also explores how relational contagion works and why the social ecology around us shapes the relationship inside us.
We don't exist in isolation. Let us tend the ecology together.
If this resonates, we recommend trying …
Negotiating and Renegotiating Boundaries Together
Navigating Economic Reality Together
Telling Our Story Together
