Our Practices
Foundational practices for embodying and expressing The Experience of We
Relating to Our Devices Together
A quick start guide
Our devices aren’t neutral. They’re designed to capture and hold human attention.
Every notification, every infinite scroll, every algorithmic recommendation is engineered to pull our awareness toward a screen and away from whatever else is present. Including each other. This isn't a moral failing on our part. It's a structural reality. The same engineering that makes our phones useful also makes them competitors for the most precious resource a relationship has: shared attention.
We all know the feeling. One of us reaches for a phone mid-conversation. Both of us scroll side by side in silence that neither of us chose. A notification fractures a moment of connection. None of this means we're weak. It means we're living inside a system designed to do exactly this.
The question isn't whether our devices will compete with our relationship. They already do. The question is whether we'll face that competition together, with shared awareness and shared agreements.
One practice to try
Think of a person in your life who’s open to experimentation, and invite them into trying something new with you.
The device-free threshold
Choose one daily moment together and make it device-free. One threshold where phones go somewhere else.
Pick one. The first ten minutes after coming home. Meals together. The last twenty minutes before bed. Just one.
Put the device physically away. Not face-down on the table. In another room, in a drawer, somewhere out of reach. The pull is designed to be constant. Distance is part of the practice.
Be together without screens. Talk. Sit in silence. Make eye contact. Notice what it feels like when there's nothing competing for your attention.
Notice the pull. You will feel it. The urge to check. The phantom buzz. Notice it without obeying it. That's the muscle you're building.
Discuss it afterward. "What was that like?" "What did we gain by putting them away?"
One device-free experience together. That's all. But that moment may show you what's been quietly disappearing between you.
The full guide, Relating to Our Devices Together, has several practices for developing shared awareness around technology: creating device agreements; building screen-free spaces; navigating the pull of notifications; having honest conversations about how technology shapes your shared attention; and more. It treats this as a structural challenge to face together, not a character issue to police.
The most precious resource a relationship has is shared attention. Let us protect it together.
If this resonates, we recommend trying …
Coming into Presence Together
Creating Our Spaces Together
Navigating Information Together
