Our Practices
Foundational practices for embodying and expressing The Experience of We
Practicing Love Together
A quick start guide
Love isn’t a feeling. It's not romance. It's not the intensity of early attraction or the comfort of familiar attachment.
Love is something larger: an emergent, self-reinforcing relational process in which two people commit to the ongoing care and co-creation of the living field between them.
In love, the relationship itself becomes a living thing. Not just two individuals connected, but the field between them: a third entity that breathes, grows, suffers, heals, and evolves.
Love is the orientation that takes this living field as the primary unit of care. Not "what do I get from this?" but "what does the field between us need?" This understanding of love builds on everything that comes before: the trust, the safety, the repair, the presence, the honest seeing.
Love is what emerges when these processes stabilize. And it’s something we practice, not just something we feel.
One practice to try
Think of a person in your life who’s open to experimentation, and invite them into trying something new with you.
The field question
Once a day, ask yourselves, silently or together: "What does the relational field between us need right now?"
Pause before answering. Sense into the space between you. Not what you want. Not what they want. What the relationship itself needs.
Let the answer be simple. Maybe it needs attention. Maybe it needs rest. Maybe it needs honesty. Maybe it needs play. Maybe it needs repair.
Do one thing in response. Put the phone down. Sit together for a moment. Say the thing you've been avoiding. Laugh about something. Whatever the field is asking for.
Notice the effect. When we tend the field, the field tends us. What we give to the relationship comes back to both of us.
Make this a daily orientation. Not a chore. A turning toward. "How is the thing between us, and what does it need?"
One question. One small act of tending. That's how we practice love as a living orientation rather than a feeling we hope will last.
The full guide, Practicing Love Together, has several practices for tending the living relational field:
Orienting toward the relationship as a third entity
Distinguishing love from its substitutes
Building love as a self-reinforcing process
Understanding what becomes possible when love is genuinely present
And more
It also explores love not as something that happens to us, but as something we actively cultivate.
Love is a living thing. Let’s tend it together.
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