Our Practices
Foundational practices for embodying and expressing The Experience of We
Navigating Triggers Together
A quick start guide
Something happens. A word, a tone of voice, a silence that lasts a beat too long. And suddenly one of us is somewhere else.
The eyes change. The body tightens or goes still. The response that comes is too fast, too big, too sharp for what just happened. Something in the present has activated something from the past. The past has arrived uninvited.
This is what it means to be triggered. The nervous system recognizes a pattern that once meant danger and responds as if the danger is happening now. It doesn't matter that the present moment is safe. The body doesn't know the difference. Everyone carries triggers. They aren't weakness. They're the nervous system's memory of what once overwhelmed it.
The question isn't whether triggers will surface between us. They will. The question is whether we can learn to navigate them together.
One practice to try
Think of a person in your life who’s open to experimentation, and invite them into trying something new with you.
The signal and the staying
Agree on a simple signal. A word, a gesture, a phrase. Something one of you can use when you've been triggered. And agree on what happens next.
Choose a signal together. "I'm triggered." A hand on the chest. "My past is here." Something simple, something you can use even when activated.
When the signal appears, stop. Both of you. The conversation pauses. Whatever was happening, it pauses.
The triggered person names what they need. "I need a minute." "Can you just be here with me?" "I need some space." Not analysis. Just what the body needs right now.
The other person stays connected. Not fixing. Not taking it personally. Just present. "I'm here." "Take the time you need." "You're safe."
Come back together when ready. Not to resolve the dissonance. To reconnect first. "Are you here with me again?" "What just happened?" Then, if needed, you can return to the conversation from a different place.
One signal. One pause. One moment of "I see what's happening and I'm still here." That's how we navigate triggers together.
The full guide, Navigating Triggers Together, has several practices for building shared capacity:
Learning each other's trigger patterns
Responding to a triggered partner
Learning from trigger moments over time
And more
It also explores how triggers form, how they activate, and how two people can become allies rather than adversaries when the past arrives in the present.
We all carry places where the past lives close to the surface. Let’s learn to meet those places together.
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