Our Practices
Foundational practices for embodying and expressing The Experience of We
Developing Mindfulness Together
A quick start guide
There’s a difference between having an experience and being consumed by it.
When anger arises, we can become the anger. Acting from it, identified so completely that there's no separation between us and the feeling. Or we can notice: anger is arising. The anger, the boundary energy, is still there. We feel it fully. But we're not lost in it. There is space between the experience and us.
This is mindfulness: the capacity to observe what's happening without being swallowed by it. A thought arises, and we can see it as a thought. A feeling moves through, and we can hold it without becoming it. An impulse appears, and we can notice it without obeying it.
In relationship, this changes everything. When we're fused with our reactions, we project them. "You made me angry." When we can observe our reactions, we own them. "I’m noticing boundary energy." That shift creates space for both of us. Space to respond instead of react. Space to be with each other rather than at each other.
One practice to try
Think of a person in your life who’s open to experimentation, and invite them into trying something new with you.
Naming what’s arising
The next time you feel a strong emotion during an interaction, try naming it as something that is arising rather than something you are.
Notice the feeling. Anger, fear, frustration, sadness, defensiveness. Whatever it is.
Name it to yourself first. Not "I am angry" but "anger is here." Not "I'm hurt" but "hurt is arising."
If you’re able to, name it out loud. "I'm noticing frustration arising in me right now." This isn't suppression. You're still feeling it. You're just not fused with it.
Notice the space. Between the feeling and your response, there's now a small gap. In that gap, you have a choice. You can respond rather than react.
Let your companion witness. When they see you name a feeling without being consumed by it, something shifts for both of you.
One feeling, named as a visitor rather than an identity. That small shift is the beginning of everything.
The full guide, Developing Mindfulness Together, has several practices for building this capacity as a shared skill: observing together, naming what's arising, developing the witness perspective, practicing de-identification during difficult moments, and more. It also explores why we fuse with our experiences, what makes it possible to observe without becoming, and how this capacity transforms conflict, reactivity, and the quality of our presence with each other.
When we can observe our experience, we create space. Let us practice that spaciousness together.
If this resonates, we recommend trying …
Pausing and Reflecting Together
Developing Fluid Awareness Together
