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Creating a common language base for relationships
Trust
We experience trust as the felt sense that staying in relationship will tend to stabilize us over time rather than destabilize us.
Trust isn’t a belief, decision, or promise. It’s an embodied expectation — a reflexive knowing in our nervous system that connection is likely to bring care, responsiveness, and repair rather than harm.
In The Experience of We, trust is something that develops between us, not something we demand.
What trust actually is
Trust isn’t created through words alone.
It emerges through:
Consistent responses we can understand
Care that matches impact, not just intention
Repair that follows rupture
Alignment between what’s said and what’s done
Trust develops when experiences accumulate in a way that allows our nervous system to predict reliability.
How trust feels
When we experience trust, we often feel:
More willing to stay engaged during uncertainty
Less need to brace, monitor, or self-protect
Able to rely on our companions without losing agency
Oriented toward openness rather than vigilance
Trust often feels like: “We can stay connected and expect care.”
Trust is built over time
Trust does not happen all at once.
It grows gradually and incrementally through:
Repeated interactions
Small moments of responsiveness
Being seen, heard, and held when it matters
Relational patterns that hold up under stress
Single gestures rarely create trust. Patterns do.
Trust isn’t blind or unconditional
Trust doesn’t mean:
Ignoring risk or red flags
Assuming good intent is enough
Enduring harm for the sake of connection
Giving access without boundaries
Healthy trust includes discernment. When trust weakens or withdraws, it’s often signaling that the conditions in our relationship have changed — not that something has gone wrong internally.
Trust makes vulnerability possible
Trust and vulnerability are inseparable.
Trust allows us to:
Share real needs and limits
Expose uncertainty without the fear of being dropped
Take relational risks gradually at our own pace
When vulnerability is met with care, trust strengthens. When vulnerability is met with harm or unpredictability, trust withdraws to protect us.
Trust is relational and contextual
Trust doesn’t live inside a single person.
It’s shaped by:
The relationship itself
Power dynamics and roles
Cultural and historical context
The availability of accountability and repair
Trust may feel strong in one relational field and unavailable in another — even with the same people.
Why trust matters in The Experience of We
We center trust because:
Safety cannot stabilize without it
Vulnerability depends on it
Authenticity requires it
Shared reality emerges through it
Trust is what allows our connection to deepen without increasing the cost of the connection.
Our one-sentence synthesis
We experience trust as the embodied expectation that staying in relationship will reliably offer care, responsiveness, and repair rather than harm over time.
