Our Concepts
Concepts that help us orient within relational reality
Shared Reality
We experience shared reality as a living relational field that emerges when we’re present with one another, feel safe in each other’s nervous systems, and orient toward the same world together.
Shared reality is sustained through attunement, shared attention, and the ability to make sense of what’s happening in ways that remain mutually understood over time.
Language, shared understandings, and shared values allow this reality to be named and remembered, while trust, accountability, and repair keep it resilient under stress.
Shared reality deepens as we carry a sense of continuity across moments — remembering what has happened, taking responsibility for our impact, and coordinating action in the world together.
When these elements are present, reality is no longer something each of us must hold alone, but something we co-inhabit, care for, and continually re-create together.
The elements of a shared reality
Co-presence
“We are here together.”
Mutual openness and receptivity to connection
The willingness to place one’s attention here, now, and with the other rather than elsewhere
A felt sense of inhabiting the same moment rather than parallel timelines
Without co-presence, everything else becomes symbolic or imagined.
Nervous system co-regulation
“My body knows your body is with me.”
Physiological safety
Predictable responsiveness
Regulation through proximity, tone, timing, and rhythm
Without co-regulation, we can’t build a durable shared reality.
Attunement
“I am oriented toward what you are experiencing.”
Accurate sensing of emotional and somatic states
Responsiveness rather than reactivity
Willingness to adjust based on the other
When we are attuned — when each person is not only there, but oriented toward and adjusting to the other — then co-presence becomes mutual.
Perceptual alignment
“We are noticing the same things.”
Shared attention
Joint salience (this matters now)
Overlapping perceptual frames (we notice things in similar ways)
This marks the transition from parallel perception to a jointly inhabited world.
Shared meaning-making
“This is what this means — for us.”
A felt sense that our interpretations are responding to the same underlying reality
Alignment about what matters, what doesn’t, and why
A shared sense of what’s happening, why it matters, and what conditions are shaping it
Shared meaning-making does not require agreement, but it does require us to co-create meaning that’s resilient enough to hold multiple perspectives.
Shared language and symbols
“We can name this together.”
Common terminology
Stable reference points
Symbolic continuity across time
Language is a tool that allows shared reality to persist beyond the moment.
Shared understandings
“We know what we mean when we say this.”
Explicitly articulated agreements
Clarified assumptions
Named expectations and constraints
Shared understandings stabilize shared reality under stress.
Trust and relational safety
“I don’t have to protect myself from you.”
Predictability
Consistent repair after rupture
Low threat of exploitation or abandonment
Trust allows reality to be shared without constant vigilance.
Shared values
“We care about similar things.”
Value resonance
Priority alignment
Consistency between stated values, lived behavior, and relational impact
Shared values guide meaning when ambiguity arises.
Shared accountability
“What we do affects this field.”
Mutual responsibility for impact
Willingness to repair harm as an ongoing relational practice
Ways of giving and receiving feedback without collapse, punishment, or withdrawal
Accountability prevents shared reality from degrading into fantasy or power games.
Temporal continuity
“This isn’t just now — we intend for it to continue.”
Shared memory
Narrative continuity
Shared orientation toward a common future
This is what turns shared reality into a relationship, not an encounter.
Coordinated action
“We can act in the world together.”
The capacity to negotiate roles clearly and flexibly
The ability to coordinate timing, roles, and actions without constant negotiation
Cooperation that is functional and practical
Action is where shared reality becomes testable.
How these elements interconnect (the living system)
We think of this as three nested layers:
Layer 1: Metabolic / Embodied (foundation)
Co-Presence
Nervous system co-Regulation
Attunement
Without this layer, everything above becomes coercive, dissociated, or performative.
Layer 2: Perceptual / Meaning (coordination)
Perceptual alignment
Shared meaning-making
Shared language
Shared understandings
This is where we begin to navigate shared reality together.
Layer 3: Relational / Temporal (persistence)
Trust and safety
Shared values
Shared accountability
Temporal continuity
Coordinated action
This is where shared reality becomes durable across time and change.
Failure modes
Language without co-regulation → gaslighting, ideology, compliance
Co-regulation without shared understanding → intimacy without stability
Shared values without accountability → moral fantasy
Understanding without trust → brittle alignment
Action without meaning → extraction, burnout, collapse
Co-creating a shared reality is an experience, a process, and a practice
Shared reality is not built by belief. It is co-created by ongoing relational labor.
It is an experience because it is felt in the body — an easing of tension, a sense of orientation, the relief of knowing we are not alone in making sense of the world.
It is a process because shared reality is not static; it is formed, disrupted, repaired, and deepened over time through attunement, calibration, and care.
And it is a practice because, in a fragmented world, the conditions that once made shared reality effortless must now be intentionally cultivated — through presence, intelligibility, accountability, and repair.
When these dimensions are held together, shared reality becomes something we can return to, tend, and grow together, rather than something we’re always at risk of losing.
