Our Concepts
Concepts that help us orient within relational reality
Relationships as Living Systems
In The Experience of We, we understand relationships as living systems — dynamic relational fields shaped by energy, regulation, and shared meaning over time.
Like all living systems, relationships require energy to stay alive.
Energy, in this sense, isn’t abstract or mystical. It’s the capacity to stay present, respond, adapt, and co-create meaning together.
Our relationships live or decay based on how this energy is generated, exchanged, conserved, or depleted through interaction.
What this means in lived experience
Every relationship has a felt quality.
Some interactions feel:
Effortless or draining
Expansive or constricting
Stabilizing or destabilizing
These sensations aren’t random. They reflect how energy is flowing — or getting stuck — in the relational field.
Living systems signal their health through felt experience.
Energy is shaped by interaction, not intention
Relational energy is shaped by patterns of interaction, including:
Responsiveness and care
Timing and pacing
Trust and safety
Power, consent, and boundaries
Shared meaning and coherence
Good intentions alone don’t guarantee healthy energy flow. Living systems respond to patterns, not promises.
Coherence conserves energy
When a relationship is coherent:
Less energy is spent on vigilance or defense
Regulation becomes easier
Attention is freed for learning, creativity, and care
Connection feels sustainable rather than exhausting
When coherence breaks down:
Energy leaks into friction, confusion, or reactivity
Small interactions become costly
Capacity shrinks over time
Coherence isn’t moral. It’s energetic efficiency within a living system.
Dissonance carries energetic charge
When meanings, signals, or responses fall out of alignment, dissonance accumulates charge.
That charge isn’t “bad.” It’s stored relational energy signaling that the system is under strain and ready for change.
When enough charge builds, it becomes a catalyst — initiating transformation through what we call the Catalyst Spiral.
Regulation is never purely individual
Because relationships are living energy systems:
Regulation is shared
Stress is distributed or concentrated
Capacity expands or contracts relationally
Self-regulation alone is metabolically expensive. Co-regulation spreads the energetic load across the system.
Why this matters in The Experience of We
We name relationships as living systems because:
Burnout is often relational, not personal
Healing requires reorganizing energy, not just insight
Sustainable connection depends on energetic coherence
Collective intelligence requires efficient energy flow
When we tend relationships as living systems, we stop asking: “What’s wrong with me or you?”
And start asking: “What’s happening in the field between us?”
Living systems require stewardship
Because relationships are living systems, they require care over time.
They can be supported, strained, neglected, or repaired. They can grow more resilient — or slowly lose vitality.
In The Experience of We, we orient toward stewardship of the relationship itself, recognizing that how we tend the shared field shapes what becomes possible within it.
One-sentence synthesis
We experience relationships as living systems — relational fields where energy, attention, and meaning are continuously exchanged, conserved, or depleted through how we relate over time.
