Our Practices
Foundational practices for embodying and expressing The Experience of We
Relating to Substances Together
A quick start guide
Let's be honest first: substances work.
A drink at the end of a hard day shifts the state. Quickly, reliably, without asking us to sit with anything uncomfortable. That's not weakness. That's a nervous system under pressure finding the fastest path to relief.
The question isn't whether substances change how we feel. Of course they do. The question is what happens in the relational field when we reach for a chemical to do what our nervous systems were designed to do together. The slight dimming of presence. The softening of edges that also softens contact. The warmth that's chemical rather than relational. These shifts are real, and they reshape the field between us whether we discuss them or not.
This isn't a lecture about sobriety. It's about seeing together, honestly, how the things we use to change how we feel shape what happens between us. Alcohol, caffeine, cannabis, nicotine, sugar. Not because they're evil. Because they're powerful. And power that operates outside of shared awareness has a cost.
One practice to try
Think of a person in your life who’s open to experimentation, and invite them into trying something new with you.
The honest inventory
Set aside twenty minutes together. No judgment. No agenda to change anything. Just shared honesty.
Name what you each use. Alcohol, caffeine, cannabis, nicotine, sugar, screens used as numbing, anything that changes your state.
For each one, ask: “What does it do for me?” Be honest. "It takes the edge off." "It helps me sleep." "It lets me unwind."
Then ask: “What does it cost us?” Not in moral terms. In relational ones. "I'm less present after two drinks." "Caffeine late in the day means I'm wired at bedtime." "When I use it to avoid a feeling, the feeling doesn't go away."
Listen without policing. This is not about controlling each other. It's about seeing clearly, together.
Notice what becomes possible when these things can be named. The naming itself is the practice.
One honest conversation. That's all. Notice what shifts when substance use moves from private territory into shared awareness.
The full guide, Relating to Substances Together, has several practices for deepening shared awareness: tracking substance use honestly, understanding why we reach for chemical regulation, building relational alternatives, navigating the conversation without shame or control, and more. It's honest about costs without being moralistic. And it names the difference between using a substance consciously and using it to avoid what needs feeling.
Shared awareness. That's what we're after. Together, without pretending.
If this resonates, we recommend trying …
Tending Our Thought Patterns Together
Tending Our Emotional Climate Together
Navigating Our Triggers Together
