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Creating a common language base for relationships
Influence
We experience influence as the way our presence, signals, and responses affect one another within a relational field.
Influence isn’t something we turn on or off. It’s always happening — through tone, timing, attention, emotion, regulation, and meaning.
In The Experience of We, influence names how things actually move between us.
What influence actually is
Influence is relational, not positional.
It arises through:
Nervous system states and emotional tone
Language, pacing, and timing
Attentiveness or withdrawal
Meaning we emphasize or ignore
How we respond to what others bring
Influence doesn’t require authority, status, or intent. It happens simply because we’re in relationship.
How influence feels
We often feel influence before we name it.
When influence is healthy, we may feel:
Gently shaped rather than pushed
Invited rather than directed
A felt sense of mutual impact
Responsive instead of defensive
When influence is overwhelming or misaligned, we may feel:
Pulled or pressured
Confused about their own signals
Over-accommodating or resistant
Unsure where choice ends and momentum begins
Influence always shapes the field — whether we intend it or not.
Influence isn’t power
Influence isn’t the same as power.
Power describes asymmetry in capacity or conditions
Influence describes movement through relationship
We may have little formal power and still exert strong influence.
We might hold power and choose to relate primarily through influence.
Naming influence allows us to work with impact without collapsing everything into hierarchy or blame.
Influence and responsibility
Because influence is inevitable, responsibility does not begin with intent.
It begins with awareness.
In a relational field, tending influence means:
Noticing how our state affects others
Staying curious about how signals land
Adjusting when influence becomes constraining or distorting
Allowing ourselves to be influenced in return
Healthy influence is bidirectional.
Influence within We Space
In a We Space, influence is:
Made visible rather than hidden
Invited rather than imposed
Responsive to feedback
Held with humility and care
When influence becomes rigid, unilateral, or unquestioned, the field begins to strain — even without overt misuse of power.
Why influence matters in The Experience of We
We name influence because:
Impact occurs even without authority or intent
Consent depends on how influence is felt
Rupture often begins as unnoticed influence
Repair requires tracing how influence moved
Influence is the relational current that power travels through — and that repair must restore.
Our one-sentence synthesis
We experience influence as the ongoing, relational movement through which our presence, signals, and responses shape one another within a shared field — whether we intend it or not.
