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Creating a common language base for relationships
EROI
We experience energy returned on energy invested (EROI or EROEI) as the relationship between the energy a system requires to function and the life-supporting energy it returns.
In its standard usage, EROI measures whether an activity produces enough usable energy to sustain itself and contribute surplus to the larger system (that is, it supports both sustainability and regenerative capacity).
In The Experience of We, EROI helps us name whether a relationship, practice, or way of being returns enough vitality, trust, and capacity to sustain and regenerate those who participate in it over time.
What EROI actually measures
At its core, EROI asks: Does the energy invested in this system reliably return as usable capacity?
In relational systems, this return shows up not as fuel or calories, but as:
Increased safety and regulation
Trust that compounds rather than erodes
Coordination that becomes easier over time
Learning that reduces future effort
Shared capacity that extends beyond the moment
Healthy EROI creates surplus — energy that can be reinvested in care, creativity, and resilience.
How EROI is shaped by resonance and dissonance
Relational EROI is strongly influenced by how energy and information move through the system.
When relationships are resonant:
Signals transmit with low loss
Repair costs less than rupture
Effort reliably produces learning and trust
Energy invested returns as shared capacity
When relationships are dissonant:
Signals interfere or stall
Energy is lost to miscoordination and defense
Effort increases while returns diminish
Participation becomes metabolically expensive
Dissonance does not store energy — it prevents energy from circulating and returning efficiently.
Low EROI in relational systems
Low relational EROI often appears as:
Persistent depletion despite continued effort
High maintenance with little growth
Chronic vigilance or guardedness
Repair that never seems to lower future cost
Systems that function by consuming their participants
Such systems may persist, but they do so by drawing down reserves rather than generating surplus.
EROI is not transactional
Relational EROI does not mean:
Keeping score to prove who gives more
Immediate or equal reciprocity
Avoiding effort, tension, or repair
Expecting constant ease
Living systems often require investment before return. EROI helps us notice whether that investment eventually reduces cost and increases capacity.
Why EROI matters in The Experience of We
We emphasize EROI because:
Living systems depend on energetic surplus
Human nervous systems are metabolically constrained
Chronic relational depletion signals systemic misalignment
Regeneration requires efficient feedback loops
The Experience of We orients toward relationships and practices that increase relational EROI by improving the circulation of energy and information through resonance.
Our one-sentence synthesis
We experience EROI as a measure of whether the energy invested in a relationship or system returns as usable capacity, safety, and shared vitality over time.
