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Creating a common language base for relationships
Dysregulation
We experience dysregulation when our nervous system becomes fragmented, overwhelmed, or reactive because the demand on it exceeds our available capacity.
Dysregulation is not a personal failure or character flaw.
It’s a protective survival state — our nervous system doing its best to manage threat, overload, or depletion.
What we mean by fragmented, overwhelmed, and reactive
We become fragmented when we lose contact with our center.
When we’re fragmented:
Our attention is pulled apart or narrowed
Our experience feels disjointed or hard to track
We may feel “not quite here” or internally divided
Fragmentation reflects a loss of internal coherence rather than a lack of effort or will.
We become overwhelmed when we experience more sensation, emotion, or demand than the nervous system can process in the moment.
When we’re overwhelmed:
Our sensations become too intense, too diffuse, or too dull
Our body no longer feels like a stable anchor
Our capacity is exceeded rather than supported
Overwhelm signals a mismatch between our load and our available regulation — not weakness.
We become reactive when we lose choice and flexibility.
When we’re reactive:
Our behavior is driven by impulse, urgency, or withdrawal
Our responses happen automatically rather than intentionally
Repair and reflection are difficult or unavailable
Reactivity is our nervous system prioritizing survival over nuance.
Dysregulation as a state, not an identity
For us, dysregulation describes state we may be in, not who we are.
A dysregulated nervous system may express as:
Up-regulated: Over-activated, pressured, reactive
Down-regulated: Withdrawn, numbed, collapsed
Both are signs that we’ve exceeded our capacity.
Dysregulation is temporary, contextual, and responsive to safe and trustworthy relational support.
Dysregulation narrows possibility
When we’re dysregulated, our nervous system shifts into protective mode.
This often triggers:
Reduced perception and curiosity
Increased defensiveness or withdrawal
Difficulty accessing our values, meaning, or empathy
This narrowing is adaptive in short bursts — but costly when prolonged.
Dysregulation is also dynamic
Dysregulation is a fluid and shifting state.
It can:
Arise suddenly or gradually
Shift between up-regulated and down-regulated expressions
Resolve quickly with support — or persist indefinitely under chronic strain
Understanding that dysregulation is dynamic can help us transition from shame to curiosity.
Co-dysregulation: how dysregulation spreads
Regulation is relational. Dysregulation is contagious.
In relational fields:
One overwhelmed nervous system can destabilize others
Poorly attuned environments can amplify fragmentation
Chronic stress can dysregulate entire groups
This is why addressing dysregulation often requires relational repair, not individual effort alone.
Why dysregulation matters in The Experience of We
We name dysregulation clearly because:
Dysregulated nervous systems can’t sustain trust or safety
Insight collapses when our capacity is exceeded
Relationships fracture when reactivity becomes dominant
Relational fields become unstable without support
Recognizing dysregulation allows:
Pausing instead of escalating
Support instead of blame
Repair instead of rupture
Our one-sentence synthesis
We experience dysregulation as a protective nervous-system state marked by fragmentation, overwhelm, and reactivity when our available capacity is exceeded.
