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Creating a common language base for relationships
Coherence
We experience coherence as a state in which our sensations, signals, responses, and sense of meaning work together rather than at cross-purposes.
Coherence doesn’t mean uniformity. It doesn’t mean agreement. It doesn’t mean the absence of tension.
It means that what’s happening makes sense together.
What coherence actually is
Coherence is a relational and systemic quality, not a belief or a mood.
It arises when:
Signals are clear enough to be interpreted
Meanings are compatible, even when different
Responses are proportionate to context
Energy flows without excessive friction
When we’re in a state of coherence, our experience feels:
Oriented rather than scattered or chaotic
Understood rather than confusing
Alive and fluid rather than forced
Coherence often feels like: “This hangs together.”
Coherence is not sameness
A coherent system can contain:
Difference
Complexity
Intense emotions
Movement and change
What coherence requires is not sameness, but integration.
Parts can be distinct and coherent when they’re meaningfully related.
This is why The Experience of We emphasizes distinction without separation.
Coherence supports regulation and resonance
Coherence makes regulation easier.
When we’re in a state of coherence:
Our nervous systems expend less energy orienting
Attunement requires less effort
Resonance becomes more likely
When coherence breaks down:
Noise increases
Dissonance intensifies
Dysregulation spreads more easily
Coherence reduces load across our relational field — we spend less energy managing internal and relational friction, freeing capacity for learning, care, and shared meaning.
Coherence is dynamic
Coherence isn’t a fixed state.
It can:
Strengthen through attunement and repair
Weaken under stress or overload
Be temporarily lost and later restored
We aren’t trying to create permanent coherence; we’re expanding our capacity to return to it.
Coherence is a property of fields, not individuals
In The Experience of We, coherence doesn’t live “inside” a single person.
It emerges:
Within and between nervous systems
Across shared meaning
Within relational and environmental contexts
Coherence arises through three simultaneous domains of alignment, each influencing the others.
Internal Coherence: Alignment within ourselves
We experience internal coherence when our thoughts, emotions, values, and actions work together rather than in conflict.
When we experience internal coherence:
We aren’t divided against ourselves
Sensation, emotion, and meaning are integrated
Our actions feel congruent rather than forced
Internal coherence does not mean certainty or simplicity.
It means we are in relationship with ourselves rather than at war.
Without internal coherence, it becomes difficult to bring stability into relationship.
Relational Coherence: Alignment between us
We experience relational coherence when signals, intentions, and presence connect in reciprocal, meaningful ways.
When we experience relational coherence:
Attunement is possible
Resonance and dissonance can coexist without collapse
Difference becomes intelligible rather than threatening
Relational coherence isn’t constant harmony.
It’s the ongoing coordination of nervous systems, meanings, and timing — a living rhythm that can stretch, repair, and re-align.
Systemic Coherence: Alignment with the larger whole
We experience systemic coherence when our internal experience and our relationships fit into and contribute to the broader contexts of life — community, culture, ecology, and future generations.
When we experience systemic coherence:
Relationships support life rather than extractive from it
Meaning extends beyond the immediate moment
The system contributes to the health of the larger whole
A relationship can feel internally and relationally coherent yet become unstable when it isn’t aligned with the wider systems it inhabits.
These patterns are interdependent
Internal, relational, and systemic coherence are not hierarchical.
They interact continuously:
Internal incoherence strains relationships
Relational incoherence destabilizes individuals
Systemic incoherence erodes both over time
Coherence strengthens when alignment increases across all three domains — and weakens when any one is chronically compromised.
Why coherence matters in The Experience of We
We center coherence because:
Healing depends on integration, not insight alone
Relationships fail when meaning fragments
Collective intelligence requires coherence to emerge
Sustainable We Spaces depend on it
Coherence is what allows:
Trust to stabilize
Difference to coexist
Action to coordinate
Meaning to endure
Our one-sentence synthesis
We experience coherence as the condition in which signals, meanings, and responses align well enough for individuals and relationships to function as integrated wholes.
